How to give a retirement speech

A retirement speech should make a coworker visible as a person who did a particular job in a particular way. It can come from the person who is leaving or from someone who worked beside them. Either way, skip the tour of every title they held, because titles are on the cake already. Plan for about five minutes, with one habit, one story from the floor, and a picture of the next ordinary morning. Humor belongs here when it is about a process, a catchphrase, or a famous email, and it fails when it is about age or a body. Write it so a new hire in the back row can follow the point. If you are the one retiring, you can thank a team without turning the thanks into a roll call of forty names. Practice once in the room if you can, because a warehouse, a classroom, and a conference room bounce sound in different ways.

Know whether this is a cake in the break room or a seated lunch, and match the length to the chairs. A standing crowd can hold three minutes better than seven. Use the microphone if one is offered, even if you think your voice is strong, because the people near the door are part of the goodbye. Stand where the person being honored can see your face if you are not that person. If you are that person, pick two friendly faces in different corners and alternate so you are not staring at your manager the whole time. Put your notes on a card that will not curl in a warm hand. Wait until the clatter of plates slows before you start a quiet thank you. If an alarm, a printer, or a forklift starts, pause and smile rather than racing the machine. End in time for people to get back to a shift, because a speech that blows the schedule becomes a story for the wrong reason.

Say the name and the work in the first line. "I am Denise, and I have counted inventory beside Omar for twelve years." Or, if you are Omar, "I am Omar, and this is my last Tuesday on this floor." Do not open with a fake award or a bit about being old. Do not open with a complaint about the company that will hang over the cake. Thank the host in one clause and move to the habit. A good habit is specific, such as labeling the shelf so the next shift can find the part, or answering the angry customer without raising his voice. Announce that you will tell one story about that habit. The announcement keeps you from adding the other three stories you like just as much. If there is a gift later, do not describe the gift before it is opened.

One name, one habit, and one floor story are a complete retirement speech when the thanks stay short.

Tell the story at the size it actually was. Maybe Omar stayed late to fix a count that would have landed on someone else, or he showed a new hire the same step four times without a sigh. Include what changed because of the habit, such as a pallet that went out correct or a customer who called back calm. Then say what the team will have to do on purpose once that habit is gone. "Someone will have to label the shelf, because it will not label itself" is a real goodbye. It respects the work. Avoid a speech about how nobody can replace him, which sounds grand and leaves the team stranded. Avoid numbers you are not sure of, such as a dollar total or a share of the year's output. If you are retiring, tell the room one thing you learned from them that you will keep, and make it a behavior rather than a slogan. Mention a family member only if they are present or they asked to be named. A surprise dedication can embarrass the person who came straight from another shift.

Point at the next morning in a concrete way. "Tomorrow the shelf still needs a label, and I will be drinking coffee in my kitchen on purpose." That gives coworkers a picture and gives you a landing. If you are speaking about someone else, wish them a morning that is theirs, and avoid assigning them a hobby they do not have. Offer a simple lift of the glass or the paper cup, with their name as the cue. "To Omar." Then stop so the applause has somewhere to sit. Hand the microphone back. Do not add a recruiting pitch, a complaint, or a last-minute joke after the cue. If you are the guest of honor, you can greet people in the cake line, where the stories you cut from the speech can live at a human volume.

Cut the roast about forgetting passwords, sore knees, or napping. Cut the airing of an old grievance with a boss who is in the room. Cut a fake top-ten list that eats the whole slot. Cut confidential client names and any figure you would not put in a company newsletter. Here is a sample line written for practice on this page, and it should be removed. "Nobody will ever do this job the way he did, and the place will basically fall over on Monday morning when he is gone." It flatters and panics at the same time. Say instead that the shelf needs a label and that he taught people how. If your draft thanks everyone, thank the team as a team and save personal notes for handwritten cards.